Friday morning

TGIF?  I guess.  It's just another day.

I have been in bed before 9 o'clock the last week except for one day.  I am still SO tired.  It has nothing to do with depression.  I am happy, I am looking forward to things, and I am aware that I have good things happening in my life.

I don't know if there is a good way to describe this fatigue.  I feel like my battery cannot recharge.  No matter how long I sit plugged into the charger, it's not holding a charge at all.  It's 8:35.  I've done laundry, eaten breakfast, fed the kiddos, and gotten a good start on the day.  I am having a hard time even getting off the couch.  I could truly fall back asleep right now.  It's more like I'm forcing myself to stay awake during the day.  It is so bizarre.

My joint pain is a constant ache.  Why has it appeared all of a sudden?  It is so weird!  In CA, I was running, going to the gym, dancing - active all the time.  Here, I've been walking or jogging a few days a week, doing pilates, and now I can hardly think about doing it.  It's gotten worse over the last month or so.  When I was working in CA last month, I had to stop a few times because my back and hips were so painful.  I'm at a point now where I can't get up off the couch without hesitating because my hips hurt so badly.  I'm starting Medical Transcription school, and my fingers are starting to ache.  Uh, not good timing there.

The real issue here is I'm seeing things happening to me that I saw happen to my mother.  When I was 7 or 8, Dad was working in Kansas on a train, and we were in Oklahoma.  Mom got SO sick.  It was nighttime, and I had to go down the street in my pajamas to get the neighbor to come help because Mom was too sick to move.  She ended up in the hospital for a few days, and after that was the barrage of testing that ended with a Lupus diagnosis a few years later.  

My childhood was affected, certainly, as were my sisters'.  In Kindergarten, Ashley would cry every day before school because she was so afraid Mom was going to die while she was at school.  She was worried for a long time about Mom dying, and is very sensitive now when Mom is sick.  I remember getting everyone up and getting Ashley ready for school when Mom couldn't.  I don't want my boys to have to live lives like that... Living a life afraid.  Living life knowing that every aspect of your family's life depends on your Mom's health - vacations, field trips, dinnertime.

My plan is this:

I see the doctor again in a few weeks.  (first available appointment)  I will discuss at length the lab results from this visit.  I will express my concerns about fibromyalgia, Lupus, and/or chronic fatigue syndrome.  I will at that point ask for a referral to a rheumatologist.  There is no need for my PCM to keep doing blind testing if this area isn't his forte'.  I cannot live like this.  I need something to manage the stiffness and pain, and I need some energy.  I have too much to do, and I have sweet boys that deserve a mommy.  

I don't want to seem like I'm whining.  I just need to get all this out and have it documented so I can refer back to it.  I'll likely be posting more frequently on this blog with these kinds of posts, so beware.  

If I have any say

...which I doubt, I declare this patrol OVER. Now, can I have my husband back?  

The past few weeks have been almost incomprehensible. Truly.

The day he left, the mouse appeared. Then more mice appeared. *gag* I have felt worse than I've felt in a LONG time physically. Lo has been sick. All of the Murphy's Law business that you hear about.

Two times I've gotten a phone call from First Aid at the school that my big boy had an injury. They were scraped knees, but it warranted a phone call and a request that I pick him up. I told the nurse he could stay for the rest of the day. I didn't think it warranted a pick up. Oh, BTW, the last First Aid call was yesterday.

Today I get a call. I recognize the number on the caller ID. It's First Aid - again. This time, the big boy has a nose bleed that they can't get to stop. The nurse says, "I really think you should come get him." Okay, okay. I can take a hint.

I suppose it's a good thing I picked him up. The rest of the afternoon he was crying from a splitting headache. I gave him some medicine, he's running fever, and it's 7:00 and he's snoozing on the sofa. Guess someone will have his first ever sick day from school tomorrow. :(
Also this afternoon, I had another mouse in a trap. Can I tell you how much I DESPISE dealing with this? I'm sure if anyone could see me, it would definitely be sitcom worthy. In most cases, I call any and everyone I can to see if anyone will talk to me while I deal with it. It helps me get my mind off things, and I'm less likely to work myself into a frenzy. The lucky winner today was Cirrus. LOL. Thanks again, friend.

I have to get my garbage can situated right outside the back door, lid open. THEN, I get the shovel. I obtain another device, usually a broom handle or a large dowel rod we have around here. The secondary device is used to push the trap itself - not touching the rodent - into the shovel. The idea is that I will NOT physically touch any portion of anything *shudder* in the process of disposing of the body.

Yeah. I think it's about time for this patrol to be over. I need a bubble bath and a margarita. I need the kind of hug that only he can give.

A new role

I am officially a student once again.  I began Medical Transcription school yesterday.  I received a scholarship from Operation Life Transformed to receive training through Career Step.

It is difficult for me to really own the fact that I'm doing something for me.  How incredibly empowering.  Jumping right in, I completed my orientation module yesterday, and aced the first quiz.  I seriously doubt that the rest of my education will be quite so easy, but I am looking forward to it.

I told a friend yesterday that it will be nice to use my brain.  Many days, I feel like it is just marinating up there.  I am eager to wake it up and start learning again.

In other news, I have been feeling really poorly lately.  I had some lab work done this week, and I will need to see my doctor again because my labs came back with no indication of what my problem might be.  Say a little prayer for a cooperative physician that is eager to help me, and for better days for me.  I am very exhausted and having a lot of joint pain.  My fingers, shoulders, hips, and knees are very painful, and it's a constant ache with times of stabbing, burning pain.  It's definitely making it hard to do the "single" mom thing with Stuart gone.

What's up with me?

I've had some crazy things going on lately.  I'm not usually one of those "put it out in the universe, and it will come to pass" kind of people.  I mean, sure, I try to be optimistic - sometimes nauseatingly so.  However, the last couple of weeks has been a testament to the universe theory.

In a matter of a couple of days, in some cases hours, I would mention a situation, make a decision about it, and then a resolution would appear from nowhere!  Let me think of how it all started...

A few months ago, after we moved, I volunteered to take the ombudsman position on Stuart's boat.  The existing ombudsman was moving, and I knew the boat would need a new one.  I hadn't heard an update at all, and had given up.  Two hours after I made that decision, Stuart called and said that I had been chosen.  How weird is that?

I also, on another blog, have a special function for support...  It's a confidential support request, and it's a new feature.  No one had taken advantage of it, and my friend and leader of the pack and I had been discussing it.  Honestly, the next day I had a support request.  Isn't that weird?

There are more examples, not all of which I'm able to discuss publicly.  It is so nice to feel like things are looking up for me.  We've been pretty miserable trying to find our place in Mobile.  We're still working on that, but in the meantime, my cyber-life isn't looking too shabby.  I have a lot of working projects, some opportunities for new projects, and the support and love of a lot of fabulous friends.

Oh, and I'm starting online classes very soon.  Stay tuned for updates on that one.

I was tagged

Barb tagged me!  Thanks, lady!  ;)

The "rules" of the game are as follows:
1. Post the rules on your blog.
2. Write 6 random things about yourself.
3. Tag 6 people at the end of your post.
4. If you're tagged, DO IT and pass on the tag.

So, 6 random things about me:

1.  I like potato salad sandwiches.

2.  I have a bit of a crush on a Dancing With the Stars Dancer.  Yes, my husband knows.  

3.  My husband was my first kiss.  

4.  He's the only guy I've ever kissed.  (I hear it... awwwwwww!)

5.  I have very close friends that I have never seen face to face.

6.  I like to smell my two year old's stinky feet.

So, now, I tag:

Corinne

Beth

Cirrus

Roni

The Little Wife

Elizabeth

Project Brain Child

Please read and repost (click "reply to poster" then copy and paste all the code into a new bulletin.
) THANK YOU!!!!


Here is something you can do for kids with brain tumors (like Hadley). It takes a moment of your time and doesn't cost you a dime. You do have to be an American Express cardholder to vote...but, even if you aren't you can help out by spreading the word. Thank you SO much.




Project Brain Child is an iniative of the Pediatric Low Grade Glioma Association.


Members Project is a program sponsored by American Express where cardmembers submit innovative ideas for projects that make a difference. Cardmembers vote on the projects, and the winning 5 projects will receive up to $1.
5 million in funding from American Express, awarded as follows:

$1,500,000 for the winning project
$500,000 for the 2nd place project
$300,000 for the 3rd place project
$100,000 each for the two remaining finalist projects
The Pediatric Low Grade Glioma Association (PLGA) submitted their project idea to American Express in August. They will use the funds to conduct a feasibility study to create a National Pediatric Genomic Brain Tumor Registry. The information collected in this registry would allow scientific researchers and medical experts to target specific genetic abnormalities with existing drugs most effectively.


The registry will embody all brain tumor types, not just low grade gliomas.


Project Brain Child was selected from over 1190 other projects to be in the top 25. As of today, September 17, they are in 9th place.


They need to be one in fifth place or better to receive an award. Votes must be cast by September 28.


Any American Express cardholder may vote. If you don't have an American Express card, you can still help by spreading the word to your friends.


Brain tumors kill more children every year than all other diseases combined. Please help this effort.


(Copied and pasted from Steven's Page)

Oh, gee whiz.

My little big boy went to VBS last week.  I took him and dropped him off M-F for a few hours.  He had a great time.  He really did.  Logan and I enjoyed our time together - for the most part.  Every morning when we'd drop Chase off, Logan would FREAK out.  

"NO, MOM!  THAT'S MY CHASE!"  

He could be heard over hundreds of children in the gym.  He ended up with quite a reputation before the week was through.  Thank goodness I had the forethought to put him in the stroller.  If he'd been flailing in my arms, I'd have probably dropped him!

Toward the end of the week, my mom and grandmother came for a visit.  We went to the beach on Saturday morning.  It was only the second time we'd been to the beach since we moved here.  Chase isn't too sure about things still, because the water was so dangerous in Humboldt.  He was really worried when I got in the water here.  He finally relented and got in about ankle deep.  We're planning another drive to the beach when Daddy gets home, so hopefully Chase will start feeling better about it.  He also had a little girl flirting with him there.  He was so clueless.  She was an older woman, too... 7!  They were about the same height, so she didn't believe him when he said he was 5.  It was funny.

Little Logan was completely smitten by Nanny, my grandmother.  He has so much fun with her, and she really fits nicely around his little finger.  ;)  After bathtime one evening, I had gotten Logan out and wrapped him in a hooded towel.  I sent him looking for Grammy, my mom, to get dressed and powdered and whatnot.  He goes to the kitchen where Nanny is, whips open his towel and exclaims, "Look Nanny!  My PENIS!"  She'll be laughing about that one for a while, I think.  He's awfully proud of that thing...  

Logan has really started talking so well.  I think Stuart will be surprised when he gets home.  Chase is reading like a pro, too.  I purchased school clothes recently, and am cautiously optimistic about the start of school.  *sigh*

Oh...in other news, I chopped all my hair off last Friday.  It looks so much healthier, and is really sassy.  I like it.  I don't really miss my long hair at all.  Even in the humidity this style seems to be manageable.  AND my stylist only charged me $25 at a local day spa!  How great is that?!